I chose to speak up. You chose to listen and understand. I chose to cry. You chose to hold me and wipe away my tears. You chose to explain instead of excuses. I chose to accept. You chose to apologize. I chose to forgive. I chose to trust. You chose to care. I chose to stay. We chose to try. We chose each other. I hope we always choose each other………….

Today in nerd land- is what we lovingly call “Revenge of the Sith”. Odd I know… considering most people only recognize today for being “Cinco De Mayo”. If you didn’t know about either one, well………. you’re welcome.

Either way you plan to celebrate just make sure it’s done safely. My energy levels are still slugging along, I wish I had more energy as I did just two weeks ago, however I am just exhausted still from being sick. It was a fight to get my meds and now I find myself wanting to only sleep, however, responsibilities echo relentlessly day in and day out in my head. I need to get back to my routine, my daily in and outs and get back to being productive. Master has expressed concern, as if I over do it (as usual) that i’ll relapse and develop full on pneumonia that much easier. But I can’t help it. I am exhausted just writing this but my brain is screaming at me, saying how I need to get my fat butt off the couch and get to doing what needs to be done.

The struggle is real, and the issue is real as well. When does a submissive know when to stop? When she has reached her limits? They say,”You just know…” But I know I know, yknow? Get that? No? Me either.

Both are fun holidays whether you celebrate them or not

Maybe i’ll take a nap. Maybe not. As long as I get things done, what more can I do? I want to be productive and meaningful to my owner. It’s the weird and needy desire, but it works for us. I need him and want him, I want to be needed and wanted in every possible way as well. I also need to prove myself worthy of such as well. I need to push myself and be better than i was yesterday. Granted, I am not in competition with anyone else but myself, and I strive to be better than I was and ever will be. I know I have it in me, I just need that drive and push and motivation. C’mon, body time to pull yourself together….

I want to push farther and harder in my career. I want to really try harder at work now. I want to really commit and push myself at the gym I want to be a better at domestic servitude at home. I want to be better at my own self confidence and body imagery.

I wonder if there are any BDSM or D/s lifestyle specific affirmations out there? If not, perhaps Master can help me develop some. I know that everything is mind https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oADyu_BUFF0/maxresdefault.jpg” alt=”video seznamovací aplikace”> over matter, and if I can tweak how I think and process my own thinking, perhaps I can really accomplish things easier and find it easier to commit and push myself to strive above and beyond.

This would be it

If anything could be perfectly summed up in a photograph…. This is how I look and feel, and how Master is overseeing things. My mother and his mother are worried. Hell, i’m worried. I haven’t been this ill since I was a child and i’m fortunate I don’t remember much of that. Today i’m tired. More things hurt. I am feeling just utterly exhausted and drained, but I refuse to be a lump on a log, so yes, I tried to go to work today, and yes Master said it wasn’t happening. I argued a little more than I did yesterday just because I am still not used to not doing my part. However, I quit arguing and did as I am told. I am honestly not in any shape to argue much, although I sure tried last night. This weekend was the beginning of the full moon and it’s odd how she manages to hold her sway. Perhaps it’s the full moon, perhaps it’s something else, but all day long I feel horrid and in the late evening for the night hours I begin to show an extreme amount of improvement and stamina. It’s weird. I feel more alive, more at ease, more alert, healthier and certainly able to breathe better.