It never used to be, though. I always, without exception, have to initiate it and she wants it over and done with as soon as possible. She never says so but her body language does.

I always make sure that I meet her needs properly and before my own, but I must just be a really bad lover

I love oral sex, but she hates reciprocating. I know that I have more chance of winning the lottery than of her ever initiating it and getting intimate more than once a week. I was initially resigned to this weekly effort so I didn’t dare push it anymore. If her time of the month falls over the weekend, then that is great. She is secretly relieved that she can gain some respite from me.

I try to be a good husband and father. I’m not perfect, but I know a lot of women fall over themselves when they hear that their husband has washed the pots or vacuumed the house. These men who don’t do squat around the house or show their wives attention deserve this, not me. I go the extra mile, by trying to earn brownie points with my wife, a bit like the loyal dog always trying to please. I am a very modern man, having lived by myself for some years. I am very domesticated but I am never appreciated or at least I am never told that I am. I am a firm believer in a partnership.

She thinks that all I think about is sex, which is just not true

For the last few weeks, I have been rejected completely but I don’t know why. She makes me feel like a sex pest, which I suppose I now am. If I don’t try and initiate, then we just end up back to back, going to sleep. I long for her to love me, to feel her touch and for her to reassure me, but she never will. I know that and guess I have always known that.

She doesn’t get annoyed or anything when she feels that she has to reject me in bed or pulls away from a cuddle in the kitchen, but it still hurts. I have grown a beard and this has now added to her arsenal of excuses not to kiss me.

I have reached the end of my tether again, but I haven’t mentioned why I seem upset. I just appear irritated to her about something, but she’s not bothered in knowing what it is. Deep down she will know, or at least she will be guessing why I am not approaching her but she hasn’t the interest or the energy to want to resolve it.

One time I asked her if she could change and just try to make a little effort but she countered this with, “Well, what if I can’t? I don’t want to make any promises that I can’t keep but I will try.” Nothing ever came of that argument, not even a half-hearted attempt. Talking is pointless as we have been there before and it doesn’t do any good. I just have to accept this situation for my kids’ sake and financially, I can’t afford to leave.

I have finally decided to stop showing all affection to her and initiating sex. I continue to help out around the house and with the kids and keep things as normal as possible, but I cannot reach out to someone when they will not invest in me. This has led to me feeling even more isolated and masturbating in the bathroom like some frustrated teenager. She must know something is wrong, but she doesn’t seem to care or maybe she is completely oblivious, I don’t know, but as long as I am still smiling hey? It’s more of a brave face than a smile, I can assure you.